guest blog: embracing the family i never knew i’d have

Image by Tina Floersch

Post by Amy Brown, amazing woman, blogger, and co-host of the Bobby Bones Show.

My husband and I started trying to get pregnant about 8+ years ago. We’d been married for a couple of years at that point and decided we were ready to grow our family and into the next phase of life. Little did we know how hard it would be to do that.

When it didn’t happen right away, I assumed it was because he traveled often and we didn’t always have the luxury of being together. At the time, we were stationed at a military base in North Carolina, so we did the best we could between deployments… I held out hope and charted my cycle… oh, and also did all the tricks… handstands and such. (You know what I’m talking about!)

We both waited for that inevitable moment when we would see our “plus sign.”

Unfortunately, that moment never came, so I started seeing a fertility doctor on base. I’m unbelievably grateful I had access to great healthcare so that I could get some answers. I do not take that for granted. But after several rounds of tests, when nobody could tell us what was wrong, I started to wonder if this was ever going to happen for us. It was so challenging to have it completely out of our control.

The worst part was that every single month was a reminder. Every period. Every time I heard a baby cry. Every baby shower. Every single time I would get PMS and think maybe this meant I was pregnant. Every time I took another pregnancy test. Every time I made another appointment with the doctor. Everything was a reminder of the fact that I wanted a family and couldn’t have one right now.

Being that I work on the Bobby Bones Show, there are many times my frustrations and emotions show up on the airwaves… and during this time… crying on air definitely happened a lot. (Some outbursts I totally blame on Clomid, which I took to “make my eggs more attractive,” because it made my hormones nutzo.) I’m pretty sure that during one of those hormonal episodes, I walked out live on the air… maybe even quit my job… it’s all a blur. 🙂

So yeah, what we were doing was not ideal for me. I felt like a crazy person! I quit Clomid.

Around that time is when adoption was put on my heart. I just started thinking, If there are so many kids out there who need moms… and I want to be a mom more than anything… why wouldn’t I do this? It was a process for me to get there fully, one I don’t have time to unpack here, but I had to get to the place where I was willing to think about my family in a brand new way.

It took my husband a little bit longer to come around to this idea, but that’s another story for another time.

We tried domestic adoption first, but the door kept closing in various ways. Each time we would try something else, and the door would be closed again.

Right around that time, the door swung wide open for us to adopt two kids from Haiti.

I’ll be honest. This wasn’t on my radar—adopting kids from another country, or adopting older kids. But as soon as I found out this was a huge need in Haiti, I remember looking at my husband and just saying, “Do you want to change diapers?” Both of us just realized at the same time that adopting older kids was not off the table for us. He definitely had zero desire to change diapers!!!

That launched us into what has been a long, frustrating but totally worth-it process of adopting two kids from Haiti who are “ours” and will, Lord willing, be home before the end of the year. It’s been so frustrating and infuriating in moments because of all the politics and bureaucracy involved, but I’m beyond grateful for all the ways this has opened my eyes and my heart to an incredible family I never in a million years dreamed I would have.

In fact, none of the beautiful things I’ve experienced in the last 8+ years would have happened if my family had come on my terms.

I think often about how my plan was to quit my job in radio so I could stay home with my babies once I got pregnant. There’s nothing wrong with this plan, and in fact, several of my friends and even my sister have taken this route. But when I think about what I would have missed if I had gotten exactly what I wanted, exactly when I thought I wanted it, I’m reminded about how God has a plan for our lives that is so much better than ours.

His timing really is perfect.

Because of my involvement in radio over the past 11+ years, I not only get to do work that is really meaningful to me (shout-out to our incredible listeners, who keep me going every single day) but we also get to use the platform we’ve been gifted to support great causes and do more good in the world. By God’s grace, and the support of our truly amazing listeners, we’ve been able to raise awareness and contribute funds to places like the orphanage in Haiti where my kids live, where they need all of the HOPE and support they can get.

Also, when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I was able to tell her story to our listeners and be a part of watching how her battle with cancer inspired thousands of others via #PIMPINJOY to keep fighting and keep hoping and choosing joy, even when things were hard.

I’m so grateful.

Since then, I’ve matured into the woman I am now, who is more equipped and more prepared to be a mom than I was before. Sure, if I became a mom before, I would have found my way. But every time I fight to get my kids home from Haiti I’m reminded that I already have a mother’s heart for them, and I get to be a part of what we’re doing with the show—which we hope is inspiring people and bringing them a little more hope every day.

Now, I even get to use my voice to talk about the importance of adoption.

If you’re out there and you’re crying every time you see the pregnancy test is negative, I just want you to know: I get it. And I want to offer you a little bit of hope that, even if your family doesn’t get started at the time or in the way you think it will, there are probably hidden gifts in this timeline, and the family you may not have expected, that you cannot yet see.

I know it’s hard. And I know that those constant reminders are terrible. But if you’re patient, and you choose not to wallow, and you allow yourself to be open to seeing the good, I promise you will not be disappointed by the plan God has for you.

It takes some patience. Lots of patience, actually. But you are becoming a mother, even as you read this. Your mother’s heart is growing.

Soon, our kids will be home.

Follow Amy on Instagram and Twitter at @RadioAmy, and read about her incredible adoption journey on her blog.

25 thoughts on “guest blog: embracing the family i never knew i’d have

  1. Very inspiring! I cried as I read this, not only for you but also for my own struggles. This gives me come hope that God’s timing will always work out in the end! Thank you Amy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This made me quite emotional. Amy is such an inspiration to me in how she handles her struggles and turns them into opportunities. I share some of the same fertility issues. I listen to her on the Bobby Bones Show every day and want to be just like her! She gives me hope. God is good.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amy,

    There are so many children out there with nobody to call their own. They long for the same things you do, the roles are just reversed. God can give any woman a baby but, I believe he picks special woman to accept and love a child that’s not there’s to begin with. You are a special lady and God has special plans for you and your husband. These are your children now and they are so blessed to call you mommie. I’m proud of you!
    I’m a Nanny and work for a family in Winston Salem, N.C. and I owned a daycare for 9 years. I’ve seen a lot in my years of keeping children. I know that all they really want is love and time, both are free. I wish you the very best!!!

    Blessings your Way,

    Donna

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I listen to you on 93.9 and I love you and the show!!! I cant imagine having to wait so long for getting your babies home. I had 5 boys and was truly blessed. My heart goes out you and those kids are blessed to have you as a mommy! Praying for you and your family!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Amy,
    We are blessed that you are on the radio and share your story like you do. My wife and I are in Colorado Springs. Due to my wife’s health problems we can not have children, and we made the choice years ago to not adopt due to her never ending worries about health. So instead I coach 43 amazing girls the sport of soccer. I know you come to Colorado when you are visiting in the winter months, we would love to meet you. God Bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for writing this! My husband and inhave been unsuccessful in this area as well with no clear indication of why. We have alwasy wanted to adopt and will go that route soon i think. You are an inspiration to me and i enjoy hearing about your journey and the reminders that its all in Gods hands and not ours! Praying for you amy!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. May God continue to richly bless you, Amy. I too am battling infertility, and waiting on God’s plan as I feel a constant nudge from him not to give up and to continue to walk in faith. You are an inspiration and I can’t tell you how many times I have listened to you talk on the show and have cried silent tears of understanding and admiration for the way you have shared this journey. Infertility can be a silent killer, if we let it. It is only by sharing our stories and our faith that we can steal our lives out of the darkness and bring out the light. I can’t wait to hear that your babies are in your arms, here in the USA.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Any, you and your husband’s are pure inspirations. God is using y’all to do BIG things. Continually praying for y’all and your journey. Soon, they will be home. ❤️ Sending love from Tulsa.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Amy,
    I defeniltely admire your patience. To me you are the most patient women in this earth for you have been waiting years to have this kids with you and now it’s finally happening. I am so happy for you and your husband as well as the kids. I too battle with infertility and soon hope to be a mommy. It is hard, choosing to have faith, after multiple miscarriages not knowing why. At the end of the day I know I have to keep going, having faith and be patient. You may not feel like it,but you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey, in a way it aliviates the pain by knowing it’s not just me going through this and that one day it will be overcomed.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Amy-
    You have been such an inspiration to me over the years. Your kind spirit and will to never give up hope helps me make it through the day with my own struggles, and is why I have chosen to become so open about my journey. I am currently going through IVF, and it’s been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I had my egg retrieval last month and we are getting ready for a frozen embry transfer in January. Thank you so much for being so open, fertility struggles need to be talked about more. I look forward to hearing your adoption updates every morning in my way to work. Those kids are so lucky they get to have you as a mom!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Amy — I too struggled to get the “plus sign” each month. My journey ended differently for me, as I started taking Clomid after I had a surgery to remove a tumor from my ovary. 6 weeks later – surgery again from complications. Then once healed – Clomid. About 9 mths in another tumor was found, this time during surgery there was complications and I ended up with a compete hysterectomy. I was devastated -I would never be able to give my husband a family. I even told him I wanted a divorce so he could marry someone who could give him the family he deserved. He told me that was the dumbest thing he had ever heard, and never wanted to hear it again. We have been married 14 yrs now. To those struggling with infertility – you are not alone, and I hope and pray that you all get those “plus signs” when the timing is right. Amy — I listen to you each morning and this morning when you said your kiddos could be home in a couple weeks – I was crying. I could hear the excitement in your voice — so for you, I can’t wait to hear that your kids are at home. Merry Christmas!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This spoke volumes to my heart! I know those feelings all to well. I even sometimes find myself angry when I see Facebook posts announcing pregnancy or hear that someone else is now living the life I so desperately want….PCOS is a thief!

    I am so happy for you and your husband! I pray that they speed up the adoption process and you have those sweet babies in your arms soon!

    I will continue to pray and have faith that God’s will is going to be done in our lives and yours!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Dear Amy,
    I struggle with infertility as well. My husband and I want to adopt but just don’t know where to start. I cried reading this because I am so happy for you and you’re husband. God blesses us all in different ways, and thank God your babies will be home in your arms soon. That is a blessing in itself! I only hope some day I can be as strong as you have become where ever my path takes me. God Bless and best wishes for you and yours,
    Colleen

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Your story touches my heart in so many ways. I was lucky enough to have one child. But unlucky that I have lost 4 babies when I tried to grow my family bigger. The fertility medications, surgical procedures, getting to see that plus sign to follow with loss months later. I have been touched by your story and hope and pray that our day comes when we can bring a child home and adopt! Being that my husband and myself were both adopted we feel that this is what our calling is. We feel there is a child out there waiting for us! Thank you for sharing your story to us all! Prayers that your sweet children are home soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. You are so right about God’s timing being perfect. These last 4/5 years may have been hard on all of you, but what a wonderful bond you’ve already created with them; all these years they’ve seen you continually fight for them and never give up on them 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Dear Amy,
    It truly is incredible just how much “a few radio personalities” can touch and reach their listeners; you bless us more than you know! I just love ya. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness. Xo, Vanessa in Virginia

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Amy, My 2 daughters and I have been following your journey. We have cried with you and prayed that you get your kids. You are truly an inspiration. My daughter who is 17 has her heart set on adopting at least one child from following your story. We are sending much love and joy while hopefully you enjoy your 2 of the best Christmas presents ever!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Amy- reading this feels like reading my own thoughts just a couple of years ago. During our fertility struggle, my heart broke every time i heard someone was pregnant. When people complained about “accidentally” or “unexpectedly” getting pregnant my blood boiled ….then i realized how unfair that was, i should have been happy for them, and when we decided on adoption my heart changed. God ultimately created our family through domestic adoption and we just celebrated our baby girl’s 1st birthday. I am so thankful for her, and for God’s timing. I would not change it for the world! Thank you for sharing your journey- your family is beautiful

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Amy thank you so much for sharing your story! I have been listening to the show & follow all of your updates. I also have unknown fertility issues & listening to your story gives me strength to know I am not alone & it’s ok to share my struggles with those around me. I wish you all the best & know you are going to be a fantastic mom!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Thank you for sharing your story! What a gift to those who have had issues getting pregnant and a lesson in sympathy/empathy for those who haven’t. I love your bubbly personality and kind heart! I listen every day on my way to work, and on those crazy mornings when I have little enthusiasm and nothing seems to be going right, you give me a shot of optimism and this buttercup decides to suck it up and make it a great day, regardless of what I will face. Your kids will most certainly be a blessing, but they will be incredibly blessed with a mom who has prayed for them for many years and loved them before she even knew them. Prayers for the uniting of your family this Christmas!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Amy, you are truly amazing. You’re an inspiration. A real person who is willing to share your truth… good bad or ugly. I don’t share your same baby-struggle (I have 4 children), but I can relate to you in ways that help me every day. I am THRILLED your babies are finally home. I’m sure shining a light on the bureaucracy of adoptions from Haiti will help other families. You go girl!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s