Years ago I realized if I was ever going to make it in this Christian life, I needed a better understanding of meekness. Meekness is that spirit the Bible says is so pleasing to God (1 Peter 3:4), but which we often misunderstand to be making oneself a doormat. I had been operating as a pretty good doormat for a while, but I was growing weary, bitter, and angry about it. My sinful heart was taking over. I could no longer resist temptation. My self-righteousness was growing. I was unwilling to confront my fears. I knew deep down that this wasn’t what God wanted from me. But what was the better way?
For a better visual of meekness, we must picture a horse. This horse, this magnificently strong and vibrant creature, has a distinct strength, energy, and a determined will. Left unattended, it runs wild and free. It seems happy and strong. It probably is.
Then along comes a rider to bridle this horse. The horse must now learn submission to the will of another. At first, it bucks and resists. It tries to run away and maybe even succeeds. But eventually, because the rider is tender and calm, the horse begins to trust. Soon it lets the rider mount its back and lead its way. Eventually, it responds to the rider’s slightest nudge or whisper. Finally, it is willing to go wherever the rider leads. Despite a stubborn will, the horse submits. Despite much hesitation and fear, it trusts. Despite the desire to rebel, it stays loyal. This horse has learned the way of meekness.
The horse and the rider will go on many adventures together. The horse is the means by which the rider accomplishes his plans, yet the horse is not a means to an end. In its meekness, it has not lost one iota of its own sense of dignity, majesty, or strength. The only difference between then and now is its humble obedience.
This way of meekness was best displayed in Jesus when came to the earth, walked among us, loved the lost, and submitted to God’s will to die on a cross for sin. This way of being is what draws me to Jesus over and over again. I’m convinced this way of being is what I must learn if I am ever going to persevere as a Christian. It has become the chief aim of my life.
I used to be one of many wild and happy horses who roamed freely in God’s green pastures. Soon it became clear God planned to bridle me for a war: the war for my identity, the war for my soul, and the war for the souls and identities of others. This was a war against codependency, pride, unfaithfulness, and a host of other sins. This was a war that would not always be safe or easy. But if I was ever going to enter this war, I had to answer two questions: Would I let the Rider bridle me? Would I submit to God’s will and go with Him?
This blog is me processing through my answers. In it, I will write primarily about my struggle with submission to God’s hidden will, or His purposes that we will not know. Other times I will talk about surrendering to His revealed will, or the purposes He has actually revealed in His Word. For now, the main topics will be my infertility, including my identity as a woman, and unexpected difficulties in marriage. My purpose is to show that the way of meekness never diminishes our strength, our love, or our joy. In fact, it only increases these things, as long as we continue to trust the Rider.